I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
