So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
