Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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