True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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