I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
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