How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Randomize
