oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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