buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
