I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
