Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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