i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
