I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Randomize
