Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize