fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
