the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
