just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
