I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I touched a dick in church today
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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