capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
