Capitaan dildo arrescate!
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
