You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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