he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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