This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Randomize
