I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
