I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
it's like iHOP with fire
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
