Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
