you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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