Swine flu. Run for my life!
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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