If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
