I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
