if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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