we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
she told me i tasted like america
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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