Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Randomize
