She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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