i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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