think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
