I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
