You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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