Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
