Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
