i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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