omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
