last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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