K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
