Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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