Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
