You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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