it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
her facebook's as public as her vagina
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
