walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Just invented taco cereal.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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