well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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