you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
