i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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