Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
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