just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
