yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
