just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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