Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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