I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
