Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize