Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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