Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm having to shit out rocks
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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