can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize