Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Randomize
