You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
