Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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