i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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