You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
