A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
