you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
