When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Randomize
