she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Randomize