what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
