well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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