Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
You have to summon your inner elephant
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
