Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
