dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
