Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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