i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
