Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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