That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Randomize
