a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Randomize
