I think i peed on brittanys purse
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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