Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
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