i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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