Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
