im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
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