you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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