we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
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