youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
