if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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