Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
